20 days left

It feels like the engagement is still on. I was asked by a colleague last Friday if there was a 31 in November. I checked the calendar. I didn’t look at the month that was being asked. I checked December first. I replied, no there is no November 31. I also said that “malapit na ako ikasal sana.”

Over the past two weeks, I have been using jokes as a way to cope with everything that happened. Maybe it’s just a way for me to adapt but whatever I’m doing, I know I’m doing it right because I think I’m starting to accept things.

Last Monday, I talked to the priest who was supposed to officiate my wedding. To lighten the mood, he asked me if I was ready to go on a date since he had nieces who were my age. I laughed but I had to decline. There were a couple of people trying to set me up.  There were even opportunities in recent days where I could ask numbers and do a little flirting.

But I hesitated. I know I can’t. Not now, maybe not in the next three years.

I don’t know how I can recover but I know I will.  I am so blessed to have very good friends who visited me in my pad since the break-up. I will never forget my high school classmate CP and his girlfriend Jecai (for her phone call) for being there for me that Saturday when I went to some of the suppliers and telling them that my wedding wouldn’t push through.    I will never forget Renel and my MHFDS/Reyes brothers for being there that first night.

I met old friends, I’m making new ones.   I even got advices from my bosses and ex-future ninongs.  Most of them were supportive and even my big boss at the Department of Budget and Management enlightened me and gave me the chance to go to Bohol even for a day.

I was supposed to spend the honeymoon with her there by the way…. that’s why I didn’t take any pictures..hehehehe

I have 20 days left before I decide what I should do with my new life.  I will start planning after my supposed wedding day on December 12.

For now I’m thanking God for introducing and re-introducing people to me.  It’s a difficult road ahead, I admit.  That’s why right now when people ask me how I am I reply by telling and showing them – and even if I don’t know how long it will last – that I’m smiling one day at a time.

I Just Haven’t met you yet :)

I just found my single song!

Micheal Buble Rocks!!

Haven’t Met You Yet

I’m not surprised,
Not everything lasts,
I’ve broken my heart so many times I stopped keeping track.
Talk myself in,
I talk myself out,
I get all worked up,
Then I let myself down,

I tried so very hard not to loose it;
I came up with a million excuses,
I thought I thought of every possibility,

And I know some day that it’ll all turn out,
You’ll make me work so we can work to work it out,
And I promise you kid that I give so much more than I get~ mmm…….
I just haven’t met you yet.

Mmmmm ….

I might have to wait,
I’ll never give up,
I guess it’s half timin’, and the other half’s luck,
Wherever you are,
Whenever it’s right,
You’ll come outta nowhere and into my life.

And I know that we can be so amazin’,
And baby your love is gonna change me,
And now I can see every possibility, mmmmmm….

Somehow I know that it’ll all turn out,
You’ll make me work so we can work to work it out,
And promise you kid, I’ll give so much more than I get, mmmm….
I just haven’t met you yet.

They say all’s fair
in love and war
But I won’t need to fight it,
we’ll get it right an’,
we’ll be united

Instrumental

and I know that we can be so amazin’,
And bein’ in your life is gonna change me,
And now I can see every single possibility, mmmmmm

And someday I know it’ll all turn out,
And I’ll work to work it out,
Promise you kid I’ll give more than I get
Than I get, than I get, than I get.

Oh, you know it’ll all turn out,
and you’ll make me work so we can work to work it out,
And promise you kid to give so much more than I get, yeah
I just haven’t met you yet.

I just haven’t met you yet,
Oh, promise you kid,
To give so much more than I get.

I said love love love love love love love…..
I just haven’t met you yet
Love love love …..
So doy day ay ay ay, ay ay yeah
I just haven’t met you yet!

12 Rounds: A different perspective

One of the best news yesterday was Manny Pacquiao’s win over Miguel Cotto. The first four rounds were nerve-wracking but after the Puerto Rican’s second fall, everybody knew that the fight was already over. From then on, Miguel Cotto was just trying to be strong and refused to get knocked out even if it was already obvious that Manny’s speed was already deforming his face.

But this blog is not about the fight.

Everyone has a take on how proud each of us is for our People’s Champ. However, this blog would be about my relationship with my dad and how I found out how much he loved me. I realized this in 12 rounds.

After the break up, the first people I was so scared of disappointing were my sister, mom, and my dad. Ate Kars told me to handle things properly to avoid hurting my parents. My mom was hurt but I knew she would support me unconditionally. Each of them will have an entry soon but for now I just want to share the realization I had.

Daddy and I watched the fight at the Alabang Town Center. We woke up early, ate at Pancake House inside ATC and proceeded to watch the matches. (Congratulations to Sonsona by the way).

Even before the main bout, I was confident that Pacquiao would win. I stopped short of saying that Cotto would be forced to lie down on the canvass but I knew the victory was Manny’s.

I was so surprised though when Cotto absorbed all the hard punches from his Filipino opponent up until the 12th round. I knew Cotto wouldn’t have quit but the referee decided to stop the match anyway because he was being badly beaten. And so I asked. What’s wrong with Cotto?

The match was over. Dad and I stayed since we wanted to watch the post-match interview. Cotto was not able to talk to Top Rank’s Mario Lopez because he had to be brought to the hospital. At that point I was still thinking, either Cotto was tough or he was just being stupid.

Then it hit me, upon reaching the locker room, his son rushed to him and kissed him. His daughter followed with a worried look on her face. I read in the news articles that Cotto’s family left in the ninth round. After that moment, I understood what Cotto was proving. He wasn’t telling the world he was a warrior – everybody knows that. He was just being a father trying to be strong for his children. It just crushed my heart to see his kids upset.

In a way, my dad’s support in my present ordeal was like Cotto’s performance yesterday. When my dad learned about what happened in the past weeks, he never screamed at me. He never even made me feel guilty about all the expenses he had to shoulder. He never told me “Son, you disappoint me.” He just re-assured me that everything will be all right.

In all the trials in my life, the past two weeks were the hardest. My spinal cord operation when I was six years old was nothing compared to this. Back then dad scurried for ways to pay for my hospital bills. My parents even skipped sleep to look out for me.

Twenty years later, both of them were still losing sleep. This time, they want to make sure that my broken heart would be mended immediately so I could return to my normal life. I’m very fortunate to still have the hero who brought me into this world. Maybe more than a dad, he is a friend.

I wouldn’t mind being seen with him when I watch basketball games or the WWE at the Araneta Coliseum. That’s why I owe it to them that I would be strong.

I promise that after today, after the second to the last hurdle, I would begin the process of my healing. I would prove to them, especially to him, I could make it on my own.

And if God allows me to return the love my parents showed me and my sister, even if it would take a while, I would give it to my family.

All of these I realized within 12 rounds.  Thanks to him.

“At times I thought he was just being a little hard on me, but now I understand he was making me become a man he knew I could be. “

Pacquiao should dedicate fight to Z

It’s November 15 here in the Philippines and every Filipino is sharing a nervous laughter with each other about the Manny Pacqiuao – Miguel Cotto fight. Restaurants are now preparing for the deluge of people who will be watching the bout from large monitors. Movie houses are expected to be jampacked.

Me and my dad would be watching the fight at the Alabang Town Center, the closest mall from our house. I am excited for my idol. Yes, Pacquiao can be annoying especially when he talks about his political plans. But I’m a Filipino and whenever a Pinoy fights for his life, it is my patriotic duty to support him/her.

However.. I am really sad that one of our best boxers , 27-year-old Z Gorres, is now in a coma after winning against Colombian Luis Mendez . According to http://www.abs-cbnnews.com , Gorres is now under observation at the intensive care unit after suffering from subdural hematoma. I really hope our boxer recovers. I’m praying that he gets well so that he could return to his family expecially his children. I also hope Manny would dedicate the match to Z.

Anyway, I gotta prepare to get Head and Shoulders on my hair, drink my Magnolia milk, put on my Nikes, and have a bottle of San Miguel later tonight! hehehe

Climbing…

time to take the first step..

Three Years Ago

Exactly three years ago, we were both seated on swings at the Quezon Memorial Park. The courting stage was over and it was only a matter of time before we formally decided to be together.

We actually had an exact day on our minds.. until something came up. She had to attend a seminar for journalists in Indonesia. After a long day of covering the news for the day, she pulled me aside and asked permission from me if she can go.

Of course I allowed her. Then we talked about how we could settle the “us” part. Since she was about to leave in a matter of days, I wanted to spend quality time with her.

We went to the playground. I don’t exactly remember how we formalized it but after that night, we were already a couple.

We were happy

I thought she would be the one.

That was 2006.

Three years later, at this very moment (at least by the time most of you read this), I’m on my own.

The house that was supposed to start our forever became an empty space. If you ask my friends, I’m coping with the situation with a smile.. well at least most of the time..

That was then… this is now ….

If she reads this, she would agree that this song would be perfect for her.. This song would echo how she feels about me.. I can’t think of anything yet for me..  How could I?

Just when I thought..

Time

How come you don’t make time for me anymore
That’s the last thing she said to you
And now when you call she don’t answer anymore
Or the line is busy and you can’t get through

In the time it would take you to learn from your mistakes
In the time it would take to dial the phone
In the time it will take you to realize her greatness, she’ll be gone, she’s moved on
To someone who takes the time

Her love wasn’t a priority to you
You had other things on your mind
And now that it’s much to little and so far too late
The busy signals all that’s left behind
You’re all alone

In the time it would take you to learn from your mistakes
In the time it would take to dial the phone
In the time it will take you to realize her greatness, she’ll be gone, she’s moved on
To someone who takes the time

Hey, no one knows what they have until they don’t
And by then it doesn’t matter anymore
You’re all alone

In the time it would take you to learn from your mistakes
In the time it would take to dial the phone
And the time it would take you to realize her greatness, she’ll be gone (she’ll be gone)
In the time it will take you to realize her greatness, she’ll be gone, she’s moved on
Hang up the phone…

Where Do I start to live my life alone?

Now here it comes the hardest part of all, unchain my heart that’s holding on..

Faith or the lack of it

No matter how our dreams may seem unreachable, dream them anyway

No matter how we have been hurt by the people we love, love them anyway

Now matter how our prayers seem unanswered, pray them anyway.

God will make a way. Just believe his promise: “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you!” (Heb 13:5)